Satire

  • Diehard fans will struggle to keep their minds on the food this Thanksgiving.

    Giving thanks around the NFL

    This Thanksgiving Day holiday, as we all gather with family to share what we are thankful for and simultaneously try to ignore the family so we can watch the football games,...

  • Writing power rankings is easy. Let Sanya Marshall prove it to you.

    Denver Broncos sit atop Week 2 Contrankings

    Since one set of power rankings could never be enough, I present to you the contrarian’s assessment of the state of the NFL in Week 2 of the regular season. I...

  • There's nothing like a yellow shower to brighten up what's already an amazing day.

    Yellow Showers: That’s mighty Favre of you

    To spare us from that horrible plague of boredom (known in more genteel circles as ennui), athletes sacrifice their reputations — and even their careers — for our entertainment. In making...

  • New England Patriots tight end Aaron Hernandez is under investigation with the killing of his friend. WCSN contributing writer Brock Alton peers into the future to tell us how this sad saga will turn out.

    Aaron Hernandez: the shocking soon-to-be-told story

    As you have undoubtedly heard by now, an arrest warrant has been issued for the arrest New England Patriots tight end Aaron Hernandez. Authorities are not yet accusing Hernandez of murdering...

  • Rumor has it that the alien entity Cuato has been surgically excised from the face of New Orleans Saints quarterback Drew Brees, but that doesn't mean the threat has been neutralized.

    The rise of Cuato

    Cuato Enters the NFL Cuato, the alien entity we allege has affixed itself to the face of New Orleans Saints quarterback Drew Brees, groomed its symbiotic for greatness since birth. Recognizing...

  • New Orleans Saints quarterback Drew Brees is accompanied in life by an alien entity known as Cuato.

    Aliens invade the NFL

    Most scientist agree that in an infinite universe, the building blocks for life cannot be unique to the planet Earth. In the vast expanse of space there must be thousands, even...

  • The Minnesota Vikings allowed their impatience to get the better of them when they traded for running back Herschel Walker, and it blew up in their face.

    Minnesota Morals: patience

    If there is one thing you can learn from the endless torture of being a Minnesota Vikings fan, it’s the virtue of patience. After all, this organization has ample experience with...

  • It was an open secret that Washington Redskins tight end Jerry Smith (87) was gay, something Vince Lombardi assured him would never be a problem so long as he remained coach.

    Gay men running amok in the NFL!

    To be, or not to be (gay), that is the question Unless you were murdered on Sunday or are living under a rock, you have heard that professional basketball player Jason Collins has...

  • Wide receiver Cris Carter was known as a man of impeccable integrity during his tenure with the Minnesota Vikings.

    Minnesota Morals: Poaching Packers players

    Being a Minnesota Vikings fan for all these years has had some major benefits. It’s helped make me a better person. No, really. I know that Vikings players always seem to...

  • General manager Rick Spielman has reached out to former Minnesota Vikings quarterbacks Warren Moon and Brett Favre, according to reports.

    Minnesota Vikings pursuing Brett Favre and Warren Moon

    Hot on the heels of the news that the Seattle Seahawks and Oakland Raiders have come to terms on a trade that will send backup quarterback Matt Flynn to Oakland in...

  • Want to see a Super Bowl title for Chicago? Sign the petition to make a Marc Trestman mustache happen!

    Why Marc Trestman needs to get a mustache — now

    A glorious tradition Marc Trestman is destined for failure as head coach of the Chicago Bears unless he gets his act together right now and does exactly what I say. We...

  • There's more action at the 2013 NFL Scouting Combine, but is it more entertaining than the Oscars?

    NFL Scouting Combine vs. the Oscars: What’s worth watching?

    Offseason doldrums This time of year, there are no football games to analyze, so what’s a sportswriter like myself to do? I could break down the Daytona 500, but who wants...

  • WCSN columnist Robert J. Russ says it's time that fans band together under a Constitution of Fanhood.

    A More Perfect Union

    Postseason blues The offseason is upon us. Some of us are in the throes of withdrawal already, craving our football fix. Unless we are Baltimore Ravens fans, we are having to...

  • You don't have to be a prophet to think that Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers will put up stellar numbers again in 2012.

    Johnathan’s 2012 NFC North bold predictions

    Editor’s Note: This is the first of what we hope will be a series of bold predictions articles. If you have your own bold predictions you would like to share, consider...

  • 54 years of futility: the Detroit Lions’ rare talent for failure

    The Detroit Lions’ rare talent Detroit Lions fans agonize about it. Chicago Bears fans gloat over it. Minnesota Vikings fans empathize with it. Fans of the Green Bay Packers suss sweet...

  • Think the Vikings have no chance? Think again.

    Full of surprises Let’s face it: The Minnesota Vikings are an enigma — a team that somehow always manages to defy expectations. When they are supposed to be average, they win...