WCS Post-Draft Power Rankings: This is awful

By
Updated: May 22, 2014

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Changes on the Horizon

With the absence of John Jedlicka (I assume he had a bowling accident and lost his right hand) I have decided to take over the weekly power rankings here at Water Cooler Sports.

I plan on sticking to the roots of my predecessor by keeping the rankings humorless and poorly written, but with a minor twist.  There will be 3 categories for each team’s ranking, and each category will account for 1/3 said team’s final ranking.  The first will be my ranking and will account for 1/3 of the team’s position; the second will be voted on by the fans (that’s you guys), so if the Bears are too high, you helped put them there; and the third is a super-secret formula I haven’t even developed yet.

All the details should be finalized and released before the final week of the preseason in order for our Week 1 rankings to be completed.  Until then enjoy my horrible rankings that will be sure to bring comments of ill will towards my mother.

Feels like the first time

Ranking
Team
Record
Comments
1 Seattle Seahawks 0-0 I’m sure I’ll see a tweet from Richard Sherman about how slighted he feels.
2 Denver Broncos 0-0 Eli still has more rings…
3 San Francisco 49ers 0-0 This team is the bomb.
4 New Orleans Saints 0-0 Is Byrd a verb or noun?
5 New England Patriots 0-0 They now have 3 starting caliber QBs on their team and the poor Vikings are still searching for one.
6 Indianapolis Colts 0-0 They would have been #1 if they didn’t have the 19th best QB in the League.
7 Arizona Cardinals 0-0 Fitzgerald is good.
8 San Diego Chargers 0-0 Even Manti Te’o can’t imagine them being this high.
9 Philadelphia Eagles 0-0 I bet Foles does sweet jumps with his bike.
10 Green Bay Packers 0-0 Of course the Packers love Dix, Ha-Ha.
11 Atlanta Falcons 0-0 They could maybe be better?
12 Kansas City Chiefs 0-0 Andy Reid is still in training mode for Nathan’s hot dog eating contest in July.
13 Carolina Panthers 0-0 “I’m goin down down baby yo’ street in a Range Rover. Street sweeper baby cocked ready to let it go.”
14 Cincinnati Bengals 0-0 Just getting to the playoffs is a win in Cincy.
15 Miami Dolphins 0-0 If the Patriots switch divisions they may just have a shot at this thing.
16 Baltimore Ravens 0-0 These rankings are awful.
17 Chicago Bears 0-0 $54 million
18 St. Louis Rams 0-0 Ha… great draft.
19 Pittsburgh Steelers 0-0 No one’s been raped so it was a fine offseason.
20 Oakland Raiders 0-0 HoF WR James Jones should turn things around there.
21 Detroit Lions 0-0 Suh can do what he wants he’s a real man.
22 Dallas Cowboys 0-0 Defense is overrated.
23 Tampa Bay Buccaneers 0-0 It’s time for a little Lovie in their squeaky clean locker room.
24 New York Giants 0-0 This is an insult to Giant people everywhere.
25 Houston Texans 0-0 Offense is overrated.
26 Minnesota Vikings 0-0 Best draft 2 years running
27 Buffalo Bills 0-0 I don’t get it are they a law or something you must pay for services?
28 Cleveland Browns 0-0 Manziel not only helped sell tickets but will make them available for cheap come November.
29 New York Jets 0-0 An insult to aerial vehicles everywhere.
30 Washington Redskins 0-0 Racist
31 Tennessee Titans 0-0 I have no clue what I am doing.
32 Jacksonville Jaguars 0-0 Another year closer to L.A.

By Andy LeTourneau

About the author(s)

Water Cooler Sports is the premier source for sports news, commentary, analysis and gossip. Passionate fans from all walks of life gather here to debate, discourse, and discuss all things sports. We provide a refuge where uncompromising sports fans can stoke the flames of old rivalries, forge new bonds of camaraderie, and express their opinions in a spirit of candor unparalleled anywhere else. Be sure to like us on , follow us on , and connect with us on Google+.

834 comments
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I'm going to run the Holy Land WCS chapter and there is nothing you can do about it.  yearly meetings of all chapters will be at the Mecca. 

Lets stop running people off
Lets stop running people off

I would clearly be apart of rourkes, Nardo's, childerz and BP's district.

hurry up and nominate me president.  

S1L3NT_vermillion
S1L3NT_vermillion

As Dark Lord of WCSN Ohio network, I declare my intention to take over all nearby chapters.

LKP
LKP

Chapped Ass Desitin Raji

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Chapter President Raji

Brealynn Mckaylynn Mae
Brealynn Mckaylynn Mae

As president of the WCS OK chapter, I would like to hence forth be known as "Chapter President Raji."

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i want to have faith in the NFCN but you must remember minnesota and detroit have new coaching staffs and it takes a while for teams to start gelling.  so the beginning of the season could be a little bumpy and then pick up. 

thenichels
thenichels

I read that Keenan Lewis has been getting the rest of the Saints' secondary players together at his former high school and parks in the area (being that he's from New Orleans) for "non-league sanctioned" off season workouts.  I'm sure a lot of players do this, but when I read about it, I took a good look at our defense and for the first time this off season.  Not to sound like a homer, but if they stay healthy, our defense has a chance to be better than our offense for the first time in.....well, forever......and not because the offense sucks as it was in years past.

rocketman6969
rocketman6969 moderator

Just got here, are people ok with this article being out now, or should I go ahead and push out my final QB ranking article early?

BlutosPackers
BlutosPackers

Hey LKP, if we get together for a game, I will buy you a beer and a shot every time the Packers score a TD. 

S1L3NT_vermillion
S1L3NT_vermillion

I have a feeling that the NFCN will be a very strong division next year. With even Minny being not totally crappy and the other three all being contenders.

LKP
LKP

So I was being a  jackwad and hit this guys' truck today

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ok who is absent from the top 10 that you would include?  ignore the order just purely who isn't there that should be? 

thenichels
thenichels

HAHA, you're on the wrong article!

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I'm gonna have your ass impeached. 

S1L3NT_vermillion
S1L3NT_vermillion

I actually think Detroit will start kinda hot, slow down mid, then finish well.

BlutosPackers
BlutosPackers

go ahead, we are pretty much done ripping on this one.

LKP
LKP

There were only 2 last year. I could drive home

LKP
LKP

This is funny because I live near Blutos

thenichels
thenichels

Meh, the only one I'd move is the 49ers......down.  I don't think they will do well this season. In fact, I think they finish third in their division.....fourth if Bradford can stay healthy.

Donny33
Donny33

i would bet the Bears make it into the top 10 before their mid season demise.

S1L3NT_vermillion
S1L3NT_vermillion

Chicago. If they muster anything close to a defense with that offense.

BlutosPackers
BlutosPackers

I have no idea, don't mind me, I am just bitchy cuz I couldn't get my coffee on the way to work this morning after some jackwad hit my truck!

LKP
LKP

Detroit

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thats like your opinion man.

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  this is old news. 

thenichels
thenichels

You can only say, "Bears too high" so many times.

LKP
LKP

And they were different games

Lets stop running people off
Lets stop running people off

when you hit the truck, did the crash make a sound like (Tire screaches) NNNNNNNN!!!  (LKP screams) "DAM!"    (screathing metal) UKKKKKKKKKKOOONNGGGGGGG!!

LKP
LKP

Suh driving lessons

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  replacing peppers with allen and drafting a CB wasn't enough for me to have faith in the D until i see them play.  had to rely heavily on last year play.

S1L3NT_vermillion
S1L3NT_vermillion

And I think they will muster something resembling a defense.

Lets stop running people off
Lets stop running people off

yes they do, but I can't think of who they are...  are just knew there was a solid 3 guys that have contributed more than I have.

LKP
LKP

 If I don't go to the game, sounds like a good plan. But I might be at Ford Field for that one. And Week 17 I wil lbe in Brazil

BlutosPackers
BlutosPackers

  No, we haven't but I have extended the invitation to get together and watch the Lions/Packers games.

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  i wouldn't call it terrifying.  it is very good.  but with a years worth of tape we shall see how teams adjust to it.  

S1L3NT_vermillion
S1L3NT_vermillion

  and even without a defense, that offense is terrifying. 

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they very well could be come week 3.