WCS Week 17 Power Rankings: Bears too low : (

By
Updated: January 3, 2014
San Francisco quarterback Colin Kaepernick and his beloved biceps are excited to be facing the Green Bay defense again.

San Francisco quarterback Colin Kaepernick and his beloved biceps are excited to be facing the Green Bay defense again.

Proctologistics

Dearest friends,

It is with great sadness that I bring to you the final addition of this years WCS power rankings.

Who am I kidding. These things are a pain in the ass, and I’m not particularly fond of any of you.

The playoffs are set. For the twelve fan bases with your teams in the show and hopes flying higher than the populations of Washington and Colorado, I think I speak for the other twenty fan bases when I say, Kiss it. I hope your teams fail, and there’s nobody left when it is your turn to draft.

It’s hard for me to imagine Seattle and Denver not making it to the Superbowl. Both teams will enjoy home field advantage throughout the playoffs, and they are as well rounded as any of the teams who have made it into the playoffs.

Last year, I made predictions up to and including picking the wrong team to win the Superbowl. This year I will spare myself the shame, and let you fools duke it out on the blog.

Who knows. With a Harbaugh out, and a Manning out already, maybe this will be the Superbowl that finally decides whether Cincinnati or Kansas City have the best barbecue sauce.

You said it

Niners_Never_Die:  Yes!!! I approve. (In reference to the 49ers #1 ranking)

JJ: A satisfied reader? I certainly can’t have that.

JJ CAROL1NA PANTHERS:  These Power Rankings suck every week.

JJ: That’s more like it! Now, why don’t you be a  good boy, and bring Daddy a napkin?

Who’s hot

Seattle Seahawks and Denver Broncos. Just don’t get too full of yourselves. Home field advantage is a privilege, not an entitlement.

Who’s not

Chicago Bears. How’d that free kick in the nuts from the Packers feel?

Honorable mention

Detroit Lions. When the firing of Jim Schwartz was announced, the rest of the division shat their pants.

It’s time to rank ’em and spank ’em!

Week 17 Power Rankings

Ranking
(Previous)
Team Record Comments
1
(3)
Seattle Seahawks 13-3 Please, pleeease let this be the year that the Pete Carroll scandal breaks.
2
(4)
Denver Broncos 13-3 Peyton, do you really want to go through the rest of your life with Eli pointing to his two Superbowl rings?
3
(5)
New England Patriots 12-4 The bad news is, the playoffs go through Denver. The good news is, Peyton is Tom's bitch.
4
(1)
San Francisco 49ers 12-4 Good luck with Ice Bowl II.
5
(2)
Carolina Panthers 12-4 A bye, and a home playoff game! I think you should give laptops to the first 10,000 fans.
6
(7)
Kansas City Chiefs 12-4 Why is it everybody is up the Redskins ass, but you get to keep your name?
7
(6)
Cincinnati Bengals 11-5 I can't help it. Every time you come up, all I hear is Shaun Connery pronouncing your name, Shinshinotti.
8
(10)
Indianapolis Colts 11-5 Why do I get the feeling that the Big 10 championship will remain the most exciting game played at Lucas Oil stadium this year?
9
(12)
Philadelphia Eagles 10-6 Sorry to report, the Bears didn't make it into the playoffs this year.
10
(18)
Green Bay Packers 8-7-1 Now that we know that Aaron Rodgers really, really likes women, you can concentrate on the playoffs.
11
(9)
New Orleans Saints 11-5 Midget with a mole, coach with no soul, you blew your load, so suck my chode.
Good luck winning on the road.
12
(15)
San Diego Chargers 9-7 It has to be a huge boost of confidence, when the NFL comes out and admits they screwed up, and you shouldn't be in the playoffs.
13
(31)
Houston Texans 0-0 Number one draft pick, baby!
14
(19)
Saint Louis Rams 0-0 That Washington trade is the gift that keeps on giving.
15
(26)
Jacksonville Jaguars 0-0 I'm confident Gus Bradley can pull this thing together.
"Gus who?"
Exactly!
16
(30)
Cleveland Browns 0-0 You change coaches more often than I change batteries in my smoke detectors.
17
(29)
Oakland Raiders 0-0 I still remember the excitement when JaMarcus Russel was drafted. Good times.
18
(28)
Atlanta Falcons 0-0 Well, since you already overpaid Matt Ryan, maybe you can use your sixth overall pick to get him some protection.
19
(27)
Tampa Bay Bucaneers 0-0 If you like a boring press conference, Lovie is your man.
20
(25)
Minnesota Vikings 0-0 Once the dust settles, and you have your new stadium and new coach, reality will settle back in, and you will be reminded, you're still the same old Vikings.
21
(21)
Buffalo Bills 0-0 Pretty sad when I flip the rankings based on draft position, and you don't move.
22
(24)
Detroit Lions 0-0 I remember when Martin Mayhew took over, and his first job was to find a new head coach. good times.
23
(23)
Tennessee Titans 0-0 You showed each and every one of us what courage, hope, and perseverance...
Ah, who am I kidding?
24
(22)
New York Giants 0-0 Eli, you can stop throwing interceptions now.
25
(19)
Saint Louis Rams 0-0 Is it permissible to draft a new division?
26
(14)
Chicago Bears 0-0 You better hope that ugly lesbian really is the quarterback whisperer.
27
(16)
Pittsburgh Steelers 0-0 This years recipient of the "Get it right Roger" award.
28
(13)
Baltimore Ravens 0-0 It scares me to think of a angry Harbaugh.
29
(17)
Dallas Cowboys 0-0 Doot-doot-doodle-doodle-doot-doot-do-do!
Ringling Brothers have nothing on you!
30
(20)
New York Jets 0-0 Trust me when I tell you, we're all happy Rex Ryan survived the coaching cuts.
31
(13)
Miami Dolphins 0-0 I can't wait to see which free agent you overpay this year.
32
(8)
Arizona Cardinals 0-0 Congratulations on the crappiest draft position of all non-playoff teams.
33
(32)
Washington Redskins 0-1 How's that RGIII trade working out for you? I've awarded you one loss for next year.

About the author(s)

Ejected from a dry, desolate womb, Power Ranker John Jedlicka was thrust into this angry universe against his will, and better judgement. Armed with the knowledge of good, and the power of right, John has made it his sole mission to level fools with his arsenal of truth, and soften the blow of the harsh realities of this cruel world on the meek minded. Feel free to contact him at with praise, ridicule, or requests for clarification. Connect with

5433 comments
JJ CAP'N CRUNCH
JJ CAP'N CRUNCH

I punched a hole in my door during B1G Championship last year..

LSU4LIFE
LSU4LIFE

Although I hate the Irish, them beating the Pukies yesterday in college basketball, made it a good day in sports  for me.

Derp Derpington
Derp Derpington

How the fuck did the ref just miss that call? 

Basketball refs don't know the difference between a block and a charge I swear. 

thenichels
thenichels

I broke a glass during the LSU/Alabama NC game, but it was an accident.  That's about as destructive as I get during a sporting event.  Unless you count dropping an F-bomb every third word.

LSU4LIFE
LSU4LIFE

 I am never going to injure myself, the TV before my hand or the wifey.

Derp Derpington
Derp Derpington

 haha that's me. My language gets pretty out of control.


Derp Derpington
Derp Derpington

 Glenn Robinson just drove to the rim and Northwestern's player slid under him. They called it a charge. 

Derp Derpington
Derp Derpington

 so much so that I get uncomfortable watching games around my parents or my girlfriends parents because I can't say what I want to

Bucs are the greatest
Bucs are the greatest moderator

 

Yeah if you think I am overly foul mouthed on here, good Jesus fuck do not watch a game with me.

Derp Derpington
Derp Derpington

 Football players are also perceived to be the best athletes, which is simply not true. Basketball players and hockey players are just as athletic. Baseball players, not so much.

Derp Derpington
Derp Derpington

 That doesn't make it any better than those other sports in my view. Every sport has instant replay, every sport has many camera angles. 

The parity part is true, but again, that doesn't make it more enjoyable to play/watch.

The real reason people like football best is because it's an "American sport". No other country celebrates football like Americans. It's why hockey isn't popular and also why Soccer isn't popular. 

It has an advantage over basketball and baseball in that there is hitting in it. 

Maized and Confused
Maized and Confused

Football is the greatest TV product ever created.

It was made for instant replay, many camera angles, and it has the greatest parity of any professional sport. No other league gives each team a chance to go from worst to playoff-contender in one year.

Derp Derpington
Derp Derpington

 I'm not talking leagues either, because the NBA is a bastardization of what basketball is supposed to be.

I enjoy watching basketball, baseball, and hockey because they are so different. Football is fun to watch too, but I don't think it's any greater than the other sports I just mentioned.

He's a Bad 'Bama Hamma'
He's a Bad 'Bama Hamma'


Duhhh... it's a violent ground acquisition game... basically a crypto-facist metaphor for war

Derp Derpington
Derp Derpington

I don't think I'll ever understand why football is so much more popular in the U.S. than every other sport.

Bucs are the greatest
Bucs are the greatest moderator

 

OK, well, I'm really not going to take it seriously. It will be very short.

Drew Brees = Tony Romo
Drew Brees = Tony Romo moderator

 Well, GB is hosting a playoff game and we don't even have a game preview. We've had this power rankings article up for 3 days.