WCS Week 15 Power Rankings: Lions humiliate Detroit’s homeless again!

By
Updated: December 18, 2013
Kansas City Chiefs running back Jamaal Charles singlehandedly scored more points than most NFL offenses in Week 15.

Kansas City Chiefs running back Jamaal Charles singlehandedly scored more points than most NFL offenses in Week 15.

Proctologistics

What in the wide wide world of sports is going on here!?

Here we are, three weeks from the beginning of the playoffs, and six of the eight division leaders lost their contests this week. What in the hell kind of a statement does that send?

Any given Sunday?  No.

Parity in the NFL?  No.

Is it the final indictment on man’s inhumanity to man?  No.

The statement is loud, and the statement is clear. Excuse me, while I mount (hehe) my soap box.

Losers gonna lose!

That’s right, folks. The NFL is full of posers. They trade in commodities like false hope, shame, and disappointment. Their largest commodity is wool. They have enough to pull over the eyes of .

The good news is that not every team deals in these commodities. No, my friends, their are a few beacons of light. There are a few teams who deal in heart, pride, and hard work, and I am here to carry them in my arms, like a tiny sweet, innocent little baby, and deliver them to you, each week, in clean diapers.

You said it

NightStalkerThief:  LOL i knew y’all were still gona rank the panthers above the Saints! Haters!

JJ: First of all,  we-all don’t do the rankings. I do, and there is no possible way for you to know how I would rank the teams. Secondly, Nah nah nah nah nah nah! *sticks tongue out*

Donny33:  the LOLions being below the packers and bears is hilarious.  Has LKP seen this yet?

JJ: HE JUST LIVED IT!

Who’s hot

Seattle Seahawks. Congratulations, you’re one grossly unfair error by an official from clinching home-field advantage throughout the playoffs.

Who’s not

Detroit Lions. Remember how after the Boston marathon bombing, the Boston Reds Sox won the world series, and lifted the spirits of the entire city? You’re the opposite of that.

Honorable mention

Green Bay Packers. A little luck, and tons of heart, and you are two wins away from winning your division.

It’s time to rank ’em and spank ’em!

Week 15 Power Rankings

Rank
(Previous)
Team Record Comments
1
(1)
Seattle Seahawks 12-2 The University of Texas called and they want your coach. I think he should consider it, and if the redonkulous amount of money isn't enough to entice him, I am willing to throw in my Mathew Stafford bobble-arm doll.
2
(4)
San Francisco 49ers 10-4 Texas wants your coach, too. I would think a pack of gum and the chance to get away from that douchebag Jim Schwartz would be enough incentive for Harbaugh. Hell, he wouldn't have to worry about losing to his brother again.
3
(5)
Carolina Panthers 10-4 A couple more wins and people will be all like, "What laptop?"
4
(8)
Kansas City Chiefs 11-3 Jamaal Charles made the Raiders defense look like the Bears.
5
(2)
Denver Broncos 11-3 Come on, Peyton. You know you never go full Eli.
6
(3)
New England Patriots 10-4 With Gronk out, finding a receiver in the end zone is like looking for a clitoris.
7
(10)
Baltimore Ravens 8-6 Who needs a quarterback? We'll kick our way to the Super bowl!
8
(6)
New Orleans Saints 10-4 Remember when you use to get pissed off that people would say you couldn't win on the road? Good times.
9
(7)
Cincinnati Bengals 9-5 At least you lost to the Steelers in Pittsburgh. Remember when Detroit lost to them at home?
10
(11)
Arizona Cardinals 9-5 Be patient and win one more. The Saints are daring their fans to pull out the old grocery bags.
11
(12)
Miami Dolphins 8-6 Just think, you might be able to pop champagne each year when the last AFC team gets knocked out of the playoffs.
12
(13)
Chicago Bears 8-6 Shame on all you Cutler doubters! He doubled McCown's interception total in just one game.
13
(14)
Green Bay Packers 7-6-1 Pulling a hot Flynn might just be my second favorite sexual act.
14
(15)
Indianapolis Colts 9-5 That safety cost me over $300! Ah, who am I kidding? I would never bet on you.
15
(9)
Philadelphia Eagles 8-6 Losing to Minnesota without Adrian Peterson is like losing to a team that can only score field goals.
16
(19)
San Diego Chargers 7-7 You're like one of those idiot savants, only without the savant part.
17
(20)
Pittsburgh Steelers 6-8 I hope you realize that playing the spoiler costs you draft position. Keep up the good work.
18
(16)
Detroit Lions 7-7 Is patheticable a word? It is now.
19
(17)
Dallas Cowboys 7-7 How can you possibly discipline Dez Bryant? Your entire defense left at half time.
20
(25)
St. Louis Rams 6-8 You're a floater, and the playoffs are the flush handle.
21
(18)
New York Jets 6-8 Good news for the AFC East today. Rex Ryan says he's still the man for your head coaching job. Well, good news for the rest of the AFC East, anyway.
22
(26)
Minnesota Vikings 4-9-1 How does a coach who gets a bunch of misfits to overachieve two years in a row lose his job? Trick question.
23
(21)
Jacksonville Jaguars 4-10 This is what happens when you leave rehab early.
24
(27)
Buffalo Bills 5-9 The chicks that leave rehab early are the easiest ones to nail. They're so vulnerable.
25
(22)
Tampa Bay Bucaneers 4-10 I'm telling you, bring back the creamsicles.
26
(23)
New York Giants 5-9 You never go full Eli!
Oh, wait . . . what?
27
(24)
Tennessee Titans 5-9 Cutler is no longer available. --Jay Cutler
28
(30)
Atlanta Falcons 4-10 You're going the wrong way.
29
(28)
Oakland Raiders 4-10 We all know Kansas City is famous for their barbeque. How did you like that 56 burger they served up?
30
(29)
Cleveland Browns 4-10 Thanks to you, Jay Cutler is no longer available. --Phil Emery
31
(31)
Houston Texans 2-12 You are in terrific draft position, but I don't understand how you can possibly have a hole left to fill after the raping you took this season?
32
(32)
Washington redskins 3-11 Daniel Snyder, you're an asshat. Here's some free advice. Hire a team president to hire a general manager to hire a new coach, and go back to what ever it is you did to become insanely rich.

About the author(s)

Ejected from a dry, desolate womb, Power Ranker John Jedlicka was thrust into this angry universe against his will, and better judgement. Armed with the knowledge of good, and the power of right, John has made it his sole mission to level fools with his arsenal of truth, and soften the blow of the harsh realities of this cruel world on the meek minded. Feel free to contact him at with praise, ridicule, or requests for clarification. Connect with

2885 comments
TheHairy1
TheHairy1

you know why the women find Bill C. attractive right?

TheHairy1
TheHairy1

So who here would have a boiler maker with Hillary and do her in the restroom?


*NOT I

Childerz...
Childerz...

I heard Obama invented Time traveling went back to the day the constitution was being written murdered all them fucks and re-wrote it himself.... 

TheHairy1
TheHairy1

I believe the most common phrase in the movies is either "You look like shit" or "You need to get some sleep."

Donny33
Donny33

So Hillary Clinton was the #1 "most interesting person of 2013".  Dafuq did she do that was interesting?  Other than lie?  

Ohhh wait, she's gearing up to run for Presidential so the media is already sucking her dick.

bp.
bp. moderator

 Great.  I am outta here.  Fuck you guys.

G & G
G & G moderator

 Thanks!

bp.
bp. moderator

 Poast me a link pweese?

Childerz...
Childerz...

 are we talking the modern Hillary or the Hillary that was involved in the Nixon Administration.. because she WAS good looking. 

G & G
G & G moderator

 How much?

LaCW
LaCW

 Is "Fuck" a phrase?

bp.
bp. moderator

Probably not.

bp.
bp. moderator

 She is a real gag at dinner parties.

Bucs are the greatest
Bucs are the greatest moderator

 

Let me reiterate what I said when Gundo brought this up (yes, scooped):

Why do you care what the self-fellating government/media groupfuck proclaims about itself?

TheHairy1
TheHairy1

got 4 people killed in Libya?

Childerz...
Childerz...

 and you can guarantee she has a dick 

G & G
G & G moderator

 You wish...

Donny33
Donny33

 because unfortunately the media molds many of the idiotic minds in this country.

Donny33
Donny33

 yup, the Beghazi cover up. that shit is interesting and presidential.

G & G
G & G moderator

 Thanks , but no thanks

Bucs are the greatest
Bucs are the greatest moderator

 

Me too, but I have to avoid it because otherwise I will lose my mind.

Donny33
Donny33

 just ticks me off that people are dumb enough to take everything they hear as fact.

Bucs are the greatest
Bucs are the greatest moderator

 

Yeah well, doesn't mean I have to pay attention and be made dumber by it.

bp.
bp. moderator

DOESNT MAKE IT RELEVANT

thenichels
thenichels

 It's a joke.....the all caps should have given it away.

Bucs are the greatest
Bucs are the greatest moderator

 

My "relevant" comment was sarcastic, meaning I didn't think it was relevant.

thenichels
thenichels

ARE YOU QUESTIONING ME YOU LIBERAL HIPPY PISS BALL?

bp.
bp. moderator

 Is it though?  Because freedom of speech is a phrase used as shorthand to describe the fact that the government cannot take punitive measures against you based upon things you say, especially political things you say, but is in no way meant to prevent people going by the name Prep from questioning one getting emotional over "what the self-fellating government/media groupfuck proclaims about itself," and so I don't think it is relevant. 

bp.
bp. moderator

 How is this a comeback?

Bucs are the greatest
Bucs are the greatest moderator

 

Let's be honest here, every administration from day one has greased those wheels.

Childerz...
Childerz...

 Lets be honest here... the Bush administration greased those wheels 

thenichels
thenichels

 Oh, right.....you did say *BIG* business.  My bad.

Bucs are the greatest
Bucs are the greatest moderator

 

Strangely, since his administration has done nothing but cater to them.