Gay men running amok in the NFL!

By
Updated: May 1, 2013

Although he never officially came out, it was an open secret that Washington Redskins tight end Jerry Smith (87) was gay, something Vince Lombardi assured him would never be a problem so long as he remained coach.

To be, or not to be (gay), that is the question

Unless you were murdered on Sunday or are living under a rock, you have heard that professional basketball player  has openly admitted he is gay. He is the first active professional athlete in any of the four major sports — football, basketball, baseball, or hockey — to “come out.”

Sure, Greg Louganis confessed his homosexual predilections, but he was a diver. Does diving even count as a sport?

Now please don’t panic. The gays aren’t about to ruin your favorite sport. In a private conversation I had with NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, he assured me that “no past or current NFL player is, or ever has been, gay.”

Then again, I just made that up.

But I digress.

Now to a sport we all care about

These days it seems like you can’t swing a dead cat in NFL circles without the names [Oladele] Brendon Ayanbadejo and Chris Kluwe running up the flagpole. (Trust me; the mixed metaphor isn’t lost on me.) Hell, if the media isn’t bringing up some ridiculous comment they’ve made, you’re reading some ridiculous comment they are making through the media.

This all started back in April, 2012, when a member of the Maryland general assembly, Emmett C. Burns, to the Baltimore Ravens, denouncing Ayanbadejo for speaking out in favor of gay marriage. His basic argument was elegant in its simplicity: shut up and play football. Kluwe Chris took offense to this bit of advice and admonished Mr. Burns in a  published by Deadspin.

Incidentally, I find it deliciously ironic that Emmet Burns is a black Democrat.

There have always been gay men in the NFL, including former Green Bay Packers defensive linemen Dave Kopay, who came out after he retired from the game.

Well, apparently, Ayanbadejo, who was recently released by the Ravens, didn’t learn his lesson. He claims there are at least  who are ready to admit publicly that they attracted to other men. (Wouldn’t it be funny if those other men were all ballet dancers?)

In other words, at least 32.86% of NFL players are gay! (Just not openly.) This is a scientific fact I just pulled out of my ass.

Roger, we have a problem

This is a problem for the NFL. The NFL is a brand. The NFL is a manly brand. Drinking lite beer is manly. Being gay is not manly. Gay players creeping into the ranks of the NFL represents nothing less than a cancer threatening to tear the fabric of this band of brothers.

Need proof?  that his outspoken ways may have played some part in his release.

Enter Kluwe, who has  since 2005 — and done an outstanding job, I might add. Kluwe is very outspoken, most notably for gay rights. He is also very active on Twitter. Now Chris believes that his .

Combine this with the story about teams asking players about their sexual orientation during the 2013 NFK Scouting , and it becomes apparent that the NFL has a gay problem.

Come on, man!

So let’s assume four NFL players “come out.” Does that tell us anything about how many gay men there are in the NFL?

Let’s start with the iceberg method. Approximately seven-eights (87.5%) of an lurks underwater. Assuming the four gentlemen that come out are the merely “tip of the iceberg,” we can assume there are 28 more that remain hidden from view. That would put us at 32 gay players leaguewide.

Whenever an NFL player does finally decide to come out, there will be plenty of fellow players waiting to welcome him with open arms.

But we all know there must be more than that.

Let’s try a simple mathematical ratio. Each team in the NFL is allowed 53 men on their active roster and an additional eight man on their practice squad. Barring special circumstances, this brings the total number of NFL players to 1,952. A fairly conservative estimate  puts the gay population at 10 percent of the general population. That means the number of gay players is closer to 192.

Still, all reasonable people can agree that even this number is low. It’s just common sense: gay athletes must be disproportionately attracted to the NFL. After all, what other sport, allows a virile young man — at the pinnacle of his powers — to shower in close proximity to 53 other strapping specimens of prime manflesh?

This isn’t rocket science, people.

That brings me back to my original estimate of 32.86 percent of active players. Surely we can all grant that there are 641.4271 actively gay players in the NFL.

If you don’t believe me, just count the number of players who choose to wear pink accessories long after Breast Cancer Awareness Month has come and gone.

No need to hide

I believe it would be weak and cowardly for me to drop this in your lap and not share my own opinion, so here it is:

I couldn’t care less. I can’t believe that we are having this conversation is 2013. The subject raises plenty of questions:

  • Is it okay to be gay?
  • Is it okay to be gay and share a locker room with straight men?
  • Will this affect team chemistry?
  • Will openly gay players affect attendance?

The truth is, I don’t care.

Just play ball. If you miss a tackle or drop a pass, I won’t be mad that you’re gay. I will be pissed that you couldn’t bring your man down or get your hands on the ball.

About the author(s)

Ejected from a dry, desolate womb, Power Ranker John Jedlicka was thrust into this angry universe against his will, and better judgement. Armed with the knowledge of good, and the power of right, John has made it his sole mission to level fools with his arsenal of truth, and soften the blow of the harsh realities of this cruel world on the meek minded. Feel free to contact him at jjedlicka with praise, ridicule, or requests for clarification. Connect with

751 comments
MIBearFan
MIBearFan

After reading comments regarding this article, I feel the need to respond, in part, to a few of the issues that were raised.

First of all, this article was written primarily for two reasons:

1.To highlight a very current and relevant issue affecting the world of sports.

2.To spark debate.

I have no editor assigning me work. I have no hidden agenda. Apparently, however, I have missed the mark. You see, the debate I had hoped to stir was regarding openly gay athletes active in major sports. Instead, the debate seems to center around whether or not the article is offensive, or in poor taste.

This was a difficult article to write, for several reasons. The subject matter is very sensitive, the timeline covers a wide span, and the writing style, my style, lends itself to misinterpretation.The article was written tongue in cheek, laced with sarcasm and irony.

I suppose I could have gone further to reveal my feelings and intent, but I chose not to, so as not to direct the debate. I will do so now.

I am not a bigot. I am in favor of openly gay athletes, and I commend Jason Collins for having the courage to come out. If I have an issue with gay athletes, it is the closeted athletes that chose to have members of the straight community, such as Chris Kluwe, and Brendon Ayanbadejo fight their battle. Having said that, I am a straight male, and have no way to understand their plight on a personal level, therefore, it is not my place to judge.

I do not apologize for my writing style or opinion.

Prit
Prit

Aim small, miss small 

Prit
Prit

The Patriot, tomahawk scene is coming up. One of my favorites of all time.

Johnathan Wood
Johnathan Wood moderator

apparently 3 more people were arrested yesterday in connection to the Boston bombing

Johnathan Wood
Johnathan Wood moderator

I gotta say, I really enjoyed watching Vancouver lose their home opener last night.  Sucks that it's to a team with Rafi Torres though.

BearsSaveLives
BearsSaveLives moderator

Rookie 49er Quinton Patton flies to SF to start training on his own dime, calls the coaching staff and then learns that he's not allowed to be there yet and has to fly home...


Prit
Prit

Morning pecker heads...

BearsSaveLives
BearsSaveLives moderator

MORNING LINKS! MORNING LINKS! MORNING LINKS!

Johnathan Wood
Johnathan Wood moderator

btw, I would like to share that I got a like from Rourke last night.  Apparently all it takes is a story about you being shut down when trying to get laid.

BearsSaveLives
BearsSaveLives moderator

Where's my morning article? I can't start my day without it.

G & G
G & G moderator

 Two kids from Kazakhstan

Rourke
Rourke

 Was Katherine Russell Tsaraev arrested?

LKP 40 10
LKP 40 10

 San Jose only lost 2 homes games this year. Not good for Vancouver

BearsSaveLives
BearsSaveLives moderator

At least your finally talking about Hockey in an article that makes sense.

Prit
Prit

 Gotta like a player like that. But knowing the rules would help him out...

Johnathan Wood
Johnathan Wood moderator

 nah, I'd rather sit here and talk about the gays

Rourke
Rourke

 Yardbarker claims over 1,100 people from Yardbarker have read your Bears draft wrap-up.

Prit
Prit

 That picture of Donatella Versace did momentarily blind me though...

G & G
G & G moderator

 Not yet

Prit
Prit

  I'm still trying to figure out what this "hockey" is....

BearsSaveLives
BearsSaveLives moderator

I'm not sure what's taking so long, I write perfect fucking prose every time.

Prit
Prit

  I get to be the Head Pecker this morning? Sweet...

LKP 40 10
LKP 40 10

  How many reads do we usually get for articles. All our articles go to yardbarker?

Johnathan Wood
Johnathan Wood moderator

  awesome!  I shared it on Twitter, and had 10 or so people not from this site start talking to me about it.  Problem is they talked on Twitter, not here.

Johnathan Wood
Johnathan Wood moderator

  I went down to go post "BURN IT WITH FIRE" but then found I couldn't.  Read the article though great stuff as always

Prit
Prit

   Nope, not at all...

Classic Nardo
Classic Nardo

  Yeah that is no way to start the morning.

Prit
Prit

   So hockey = raping a grown man??? Not my cup of tea.... 

BearsSaveLives
BearsSaveLives moderator

   It's what the Packers player is doing to Rex Grossman above.

Prit
Prit

  That's a good thing though. He can guided down the right path, and we already know he has the motivation to do it. 

BearsSaveLives
BearsSaveLives moderator

  At least he's motivated. A little misguided, but motivated.

Prit
Prit

  Would that of impressed you?

Johnathan Wood
Johnathan Wood moderator

   you leave my mother out of this.  Dorothy Mantooth is a saint.  A SAINT!!!

MIBearFan
MIBearFan

   

She would settle for expired coupons.

BearsSaveLives
BearsSaveLives moderator

   I give her coupons that I'm not going to use.

niemerg1
niemerg1

  damn...your overcharging if you have to pay for her

BearsSaveLives
BearsSaveLives moderator

  You mom doesn't seem to complain. I mean, I know i"m paying her and all, but that's beside the point.

Johnathan Wood
Johnathan Wood moderator

   ...not that there's anything wrong with that

MIBearFan
MIBearFan

  

I think this article is gay.

Johnathan Wood
Johnathan Wood moderator

  your face is in poor taste, but you don't see me bitching about it