Minnesota Morals: Poaching Packers players

By
Updated: April 10, 2013

Wide receiver Cris Carter was known as a man of impeccable integrity during his tenure with the Minnesota Vikings.

Being a Minnesota Vikings fan for all these years has had some major benefits. It’s helped make me a better person.

No, really.

I know that Vikings players always seem to making headlines for all the wrong reasons — the repeated arrests, the salacious scandals, the lurid letdowns on the field — but that’s just the point. With all the trouble they’ve gotten themselves into over the years, I’ve had they privilege of learning from their dumb mistakes instead of having to make them myself.

Through all the years of heartbreak and disappointment, with all the misery they have put us through, the Vikings have been a great influence on the good people of Minnesota.

There are many great reasons to follow the game of football. Some folks enjoy the sport for its complex tactics and multilayered strategy. They love watching the chess match as two teams try to outsmart and outwit one another. Others tune in for the displays of raw speed, strength, and power put on by their favorite athletes. Offseason is livened by the cheap thrills of free agency, the NFL Draft, and player stupidity.

But all of that pales in comparison to the pride and satisfaction of cheering for a team like the Vikings, which almost effortlessly manages to provide us with a steady stream of year-round entertainment.

Kicker Ryan Longwell gave the Green Bay Packers the boot, finishing his career with the Minnesota Vikings instead.

Moving on

If only we could keep the troupe together forever, but alas, it never seems to work that way.

I understand that players have to look out for their own self-interest. Even the greatest Viking of them all, Cris Carter, chose not to hang up his cleats after his team lost in the NFC Championship Game but rather to end his career with the Miami Dolphins instead.

Still, it never feels right to see my favorite warrior in another uniform. I was one of the few loyalists who never liked the thought of a Brett Favre era in Minnesota. The only solace I took from it was seeing the schism that broke out in Packer Nation as the most celebrated Green Bay player of all time came to be seen as a Benedict Arnold. That, for me, was priceless.

And now Favre has found a way to heap salt on the wound, leaning on his Minnesota connections in Minnesota to help grease the skids for the arrival of wide receiver Greg Jennings, yet another Packers icon.

Poaching Packers

Not that this is anything new, of course. Long before Favre donned the Vikings horns, Minnesota was luring away Packers players. Kicker Ryan Longwell and safety Darren Sharper both found their way to Minnesota after fruitful careers in Green Bay. Both ended up serving long and productive tenures with their former arch rival.

By contrast, the fiefdom of Favre lasted all of two years — one amazing, the other an unmitigated disaster.

I have heard Green Bay fans grousing that the Packers would be better off parting ways with quarterback Aaron Rodgers instead of overpaying him, using the extra salary cap space to retain talent up and down the roster. I only wish the Packers front office was this shortsighted. Unfortunately, all reports suggest that as painful as it might be, Green Bay will fork over upwards of $25 million annually to keep Rodgers in the fold.

Too bad. He’d look great in purple. Maybe one day he’ll get his chance.

About the author(s)

Nathan Salaam puts his sarcastic sense of humor to work as the satire columnist for Water Cooler Sports Network. He grew up in South Central Minnesota and is a lifelong Minnesota Vikings fan. He considers the Vikings to be the perfect fit for a man of his sardonic streak. Contact him at with questions, comments, suggestions for future humor pieces, or appearance requests at your local comedy club.

563 comments
bp.
bp.

The are going to make a second Point Break.

bp.
bp.

Fast board death, or is livefyre acting up?

Sidenote: "fyre."  How cool.

G & G
G & G moderator

North Korea Air Force

niemerg1
niemerg1

excuse me while i go take a bathroom break...

JVince 11
JVince 11


I love the top comment on this picture....


"Worst blowjob ever"

G & G
G & G moderator

Young MaC

niemerg1
niemerg1

this has to be a technical, right?

bp.
bp.

Maybe I will start a bit called "what I hate in sports today."  That might get us in the magic box.  I can even ask SDL for ideas.

JVince 11
JVince 11

I would like to thank Rourke for the wonder NuvaRing birth control ad placement on this article with the Minnesota Vikings... only seems fitting..


BRAVO

JVince 11
JVince 11

I am trying to remember a time when I respected all of you...... I just can't pull it off...

MIBearFan
MIBearFan

This morning, I am a bowling league champion.

Thank you very much.

G & G
G & G moderator

 Lurking Thursday

niemerg1
niemerg1

 i saw at least 1 comment disappear...

chrisescars
chrisescars

 LOL, where the hell did you find this picture?

Latest blog post:

bp.
bp.

 If they could get independent propulsion, that would be scary in an acid-trip sort of way.

G & G
G & G moderator

 Like it before SDL come

bp.
bp.

 "I love this bar,"

bp.
bp.

 Depends what you like.

bp.
bp.

 OK. that's round 4 for that pick.  Someone needs to pull out the ice cream.

thebaskett
thebaskett

technically sound punch to the groin?.. YES

bp.
bp.

 SLAP.  But I''ll allow it.  Plus, I think you SLAP'd yourself.

Pat Fenis, Esq.
Pat Fenis, Esq.

 I never get in the magic box when I talk about sports.

MIBearFan
MIBearFan

 

That ad is specific to your page.

bp.
bp.

 You gave me respect like 1.5 weeks ago.  Fuck the rest.  They are dumbheads.

G & G
G & G moderator

 "Lucy in the sky with diamonds"

niemerg1
niemerg1

  give me a day with her, ill make her say that and sound genuine

bp.
bp.

  SDL lost all standing when someone posted that photo of her in the skirt thinger where her sides were nekkid.  Wowsers.

niemerg1
niemerg1

  and there is no way she says bar, though admittedly its not cock, either...it has to be a hard sounding syllable...look at her mouth at for the last word

niemerg1
niemerg1

  DON'T YOU RUIN THIS FOR ME

G & G
G & G moderator

   My bad... (double)

niemerg1
niemerg1

  nope, if this was up before, it was probably by woody, the resident bulls honk

bp.
bp.

  Expand your mind bro.

Have you settled down from last night yet?

bp.
bp.

  This is the hilarious truth.  I don't have anything similar.

Clearly, God thinks Vince has enough kids.

JVince 11
JVince 11

  well good for you then.... proud of you slugger!

bp.
bp.

  I just wanted to ruin it for you.  She's British.  That final mouth shape could be about 15,000 different words.

bp.
bp.

  Its funny cuz you can tell its incidental, and it would hurt so damn bad.

bp.
bp.

  6 days between?  Your hamstrings are going to be in tip-top shape bro.

Pat Fenis, Esq.
Pat Fenis, Esq.

  LOL. I have to suffer for 6 days between my last two exams... My last test is on the last day of finals. I might be nuts enough at that point to dress like a ninja. 

bp.
bp.

  You should wear a ninja suit to your last exam.

bp.
bp.

  You dropped the mike after calling the place ridiculous.  Or something like that.

bp.
bp.

    mine are all for H&R block.  Idiots.  I went to their peeps 3 weeks ago.

Pat Fenis, Esq.
Pat Fenis, Esq.

   Mine is for Suzuki crotch rockets. They know me so well.