NFL Scouting Combine vs. the Oscars: What’s worth watching?

By
Updated: February 25, 2013

There’s more action at the 2013 NFL Scouting Combine, but is it more entertaining than the Oscars?

Offseason doldrums

This time of year, there are no football games to analyze, so what’s a sportswriter like myself to do? I could break down the Daytona 500, but who wants to talk about a bunch of people turning left for 500 miles? Nothing to see there.

So that leaves us with the 2013 NFL Scouting Combine and the 85th Academy Awards Ceremony. What a combination! Well, let’s see what parallels we can find between the Combine and the Oscars.

Measuring up

Both the NFL and Hollywood are full of self-serving egomaniacs who want to milk the event for as much personal attention and publicity as they possibly can.

Not to put too fine a point on it, Joan Rivers has a lot in common with the Crypt Keeper.

Not to put too fine a point on it, but Joan Rivers has a lot in common with the Crypt Keeper.

No one is paid to attend either event, but anyone who puts on a good performance is virtually writing himself a blank check for the future.

Both events are full of ample chests fairly bursting out of tops. At the Oscars, it’s nubile beauties like Anne Hathaway who steal the show, while at the Combine it’s 300-pound defensive tackles whose assets are on display.

Creepy reporters who just can’t let go swarm both venues. At the Combine, it’s Eddie Munster lookalike Mel Kiper, Jr. At the Oscars it’s Joan Rivers. Tell me she isn’t a dead ringer for the Crypt Keeper.

On the other hand, at least the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has the decency to complete its exhibition of agony in one night. The National Football League prefers to drag out the torture as long as they can in the hopes of wringing every possible penny out of it. (Come to think of it, they do that with the Super Bowl, free agency, the draft, the preseason, the regular season schedule, and everything else under the sun.)

In its defense, though, the Combine has action. Watching a Wide Receiver run a 4.29-second forty-yard dash is more entertaining than three-and-a-half hours of tiresome acceptance speeches.

Comic actor Seth MacFarlane easily outshines the rather colorless NFL Network commentating crew.

Comic actor Seth MacFarlane easily outshines the rather colorless NFL Network commentating crew.

The audiences for the two events are also vastly different. At least 40 million people tuned in to ABC to watch the Oscars, while only the lemmings desperate for anything with an NFL shield actually bothered to check out the Combine.

Finally, the Oscars generally honor the best of the best; flops do not get rewarded. By contrast, at the Combine, studs like JaMarcus Russell, Vernon Gholston, or Tony Mandarich often turn out to be disappointments on Sunday.

So let’s break down this year’s matchup between the Combine and the Oscars.

Hosts

The NFL Network has chosen to go with its standard commentating crew headed by Rich Eisen. They will be proficient but banal, and they certainly won’t have the temerity to say anything truly risky or attempt to stand out.

Meanwhile, Seth MacFarland brings with him a readymade cohort of stock Family Guy characters — sensible mom, dumb dad, frustrated daughter, nerdy son, sociopathic baby, not to mention a host of wacky ancillary characters — he can exploit on stage to keep the audience entertained. He is funny and creative writer even outside the Family Guy formula, as he demonstrated with the movie .

Advantage: The Oscars

Bigger Tear Jerker

True football fans couldn’t help but feel bad when we heard that top draft prospect Star Lotulelei, defensive tackle out of Utah, has a heart condition that leaves his left ventricle pumping at only and will not be allowed to workout at the Combine.

Eddie Munch went underground and became an NFL draft analyst. His codename is Mel Kiper, Jr.

Eddie Munch went undercover and became an NFL draft analyst. His codename is Mel Kiper, Jr.

Now it’s true that in the movie , nominated for Best Picture, President Abraham Lincoln dies in the end. Then again, we’ve had 150 years to get over the grief.

Considering the tragedy with Lotulelei is still fresh in our minds, we have to score this as

Advantage: Combine

Creepier reporter

Mel Kiper, Jr. or Joan Rivers? The pictures tell the whole story.

Advantage: The Oscars

Verdict

With all the star power on the red carpet, not to mention the storied history and intrigue of the Oscars . . .

What am I saying? You’re a man. Get down and give me fifty! Better yet, go wrestle a bear and I just might give you your man-card back.

Ah, well, who am I fooling? We all know the Oscars are more entertaining.

More watchable event: The Oscars

About the author

Joe Mixon covers the Atlanta Falcons beat for the Water Cooler Sports Network and also serves as the NFC South Insider for the It's Your Dime radio show. A graduate of Okefenokee Technical College with an associates degreee in Allied Health and Radiology Technology, Joe is a fan of not just the game of football but also its players. He is a fan of the Atlanta Falcons, good southern barbecue, and comedies, as well as a maven of all things pop culture. He wants his readers to have fun and love the game -- win or lose. Feel free to contact him with questions, comments, or suggestions for future articles at .

777 comments
Prit
Prit like.author.displayName 1 Like

 He does deserve to be on a winning team, not a team celebrating having a winning record at like 3-2 for first time in a few years, like last year...

Bro Montana
Bro Montana

  I agree. I hope Green Bay gives him a look if the price is right. 

Prit
Prit

  We were just talking bout that on espn. If Falcons could sign him for vet minimal I would like it, but price has to be right. If not, naw rather not get him. 

Bro Montana
Bro Montana

Amazon has Led Zeppelin's Celebration Day on mp3 for $1.99 today. 

Prit
Prit

 They paying you to advertise for em?

Bro Montana
Bro Montana

  No, just thought it was a good deal and I know people on here like Zeppelin. 

Prit
Prit

 Well nothing wrong with being nice.

Prit
Prit

  So, you're just a friendly type of person?

Prit
Prit

Today's free piece of advice, don't have a big ass bowl of cereal before bed, especially if milk messes up your stomach. Damn it man, my bathroom still cussing me out.

Prit
Prit

Sam Montgomery saying he didn't try vs weaker teams. Slick...

Joedirte
Joedirte

Well I had Te'o being a 2nd round player but I did drop him because of the Scandal this is true but I also had him down because of the way he looked against Alabama, as a slow weak player that got pushed around by Bama's O-Line and well guess what all O-Lines with the exceptions of GB, Chicago's, Philly, and Arizona are as good or better than Bama's O-Line

Prit
Prit

 Yeah, but in fairness Bama was a better team in every aspect including bigger stronger faster players...  Not one of the Irish had a chance to shine in that game.

jwoude23 Bear Down
jwoude23 Bear Down moderator

  their TE still looked pretty good

Prit
Prit

   Ok he's the exception. 

Joedirte
Joedirte

    But what really impressed was Eiferts hands and how he doesnt drop passes

Joedirte
Joedirte

    Yea Eifert is the real deal. Plus looked great at the combine. I really think Eifert will be the next great TE like Gronkowski or Jimmy Graham were

Joedirte
Joedirte

Beavis & Butt-Head > South Park and Family Guy

Joedirte
Joedirte

Last seasons Beavis and Butt Head was better than South Park and Family guy. But South Park takes itsself too seriously and Parker and Stone complain of Family Guys "Random Jokes" well this is coming from the people that gave us Mr. Hankey....Not exactly Masterpiece Theatre lol

Prit
Prit

 Mr. Hankey is awesome.... olo

Prit
Prit

 In 94. 

Prit
Prit

Like this one better.

Borderline Football Brilliant
Borderline Football Brilliant like.author.displayName like.author.displayName like.author.displayName 3 Like

Later, Fools.

PS - Family guy for laughs, but South Park does take a better stand on social issues.

ReggiesNoJackpondavre
ReggiesNoJackpondavre moderator like.author.displayName 1 Like

 

Yeah, manbearpig was dead on. idk why CNN refused to talk about it.

Prit
Prit

  Haters... 

Prit
Prit like.author.displayName 1 Like

  Gore will get his revenge though!

Borderline Football Brilliant
Borderline Football Brilliant like.author.displayName like.author.displayName 2 Like

I may have a line at an interview with Joique Bell. He is in town, and a friend who knows his family told them I was interested. They told me to reach him through Facebook. Keeping my fingers crossed.

I bless the rains down in Africa
I bless the rains down in Africa

 Be sure to share the beautiful bio you wrote with him.

ReggiesNoJackpondavre
ReggiesNoJackpondavre moderator

 

former Saint. nice.

Buhlitz
Buhlitz

  

He was a beast for the Lions last year

5.0 ypc

ReggiesNoJackpondavre
ReggiesNoJackpondavre moderator

   


exactly..ive never seen a team be so weak at a position, and then suddenly be overflowing with talent year in and year out.

Buhlitz
Buhlitz

   

he was a security guard at ford field before he went to the NFL

ReggiesNoJackpondavre
ReggiesNoJackpondavre moderator like.author.displayName 1 Like

   


yet another RB we found in the trash can. but couldnt keep lol

Prit
Prit

Southpark or Family Guy?

Buhlitz
Buhlitz

South Park- its not even a question

Prit
Prit

  Without a doubt. Don't understand why people love Family Guy so much, I enjoy cheap humor just as much as the next. Still though Southpark is just so much better... 

EvilDonkey
EvilDonkey moderator

  I like family guy better.