WCSN Week 15 Power Rankings

By
Updated: December 19, 2012

The Denver Broncos cheerleaders have reason to shout, as quarterback Peyton Manning has given the fans an early Christmas present, taking his team to the top of the Week 15 Water Cooler Sports Power Rankings.

Proctologistics

Week 15 was a good week for the road teams and all but ensured a nail-biting end to the regular season. With two weeks left, seven of twelve playoff spots have been claimed. How teams will be seeded is still anyone’s guess. Houston and Green Bay locked up their respective divisions.

Don’t you wish your team was ranked as highly as hers is?

In the AFC, there are three teams vying for the last two spots. (Technically, the Dolphins still have an outside chance, but it isn’t worth talking about unless they survive the cut this weekend). Of the six games Cincinnati, Pittsburgh, and Indianapolis will play, five of those games will be against opponents fighting for a playoff berth or playoff teams fighting for a better seed. Indianapolis can lock up a spot with a win in Kansas City this weekend. The Bengals will travel to Pittsburgh in a game that has major implications for both teams.

The NFC has six teams fighting for three open spots. Eight of the twelve games these teams will play will involve teams fighting for their playoff life or a better seed. Don’t expect this logjam to be resolved this weekend.

Heading into Week 16, four players chasing single season records: Minnesota Vikings running back Adrian Peterson (rushing yardage), Detroit Lions wide receiver Calvin Johnson (receiving yardage), Houston Texans defensive end J.J. Watt (sacks), and San Francisco 49ers linebacker Aldon Smith (sacks).

You said it

Joedirte feels that I am slighting his Falcons:

I can understand the Pats but the Broncos are rated too high I think the 49ers and Falcons should be above the Broncos and I might have the Texans above the Broncos since they did beat the Broncos in Denver.

Well, Joe, I imagine that after this weekend, you may have to reevaluate your position on the Pats and Broncos. The truth is I took over these rankings in Week 7 and have, with very few exceptions, followed the policy that if you win, you move up, and if you lose, you move down. I believe that seeding will play a big part in this year’s playoffs. Once the seeding is set, my Power Rankings will reflect that, and I believe your Falcons will get the respect you think they deserve.

Predator 11 is hot!

If I have to listen to one more effing person tell me about how great the Seahawks are playing and how they have conquered their road woes by effing running up the score on the LOWLY Cardinals and Bills one more time.. I am gonna burn that effing city down.

Beating Chicago is a nice win.. but we all can agree that losing 5 out of 6 lately makes that win somewhat smaller than what it was when Chicago was still playing like a 7-1 team.

Well said, sir! (Even if I did have to redact your statement just a bit.)

Who’s Hot

Congratulations to the Houston Texans and Green Bay Packers for winning their divisions. Kudos are also in order for the Redskins, Vikings, Bengals, Seahawks, and Cowboys for winning with their playoff lives on the line.

The question on everyone’s mind right now: Is there room for two on that sofa?

Honorable mention

This week, four teams receive honorable mention for their efforts.The Atlanta Falcons dominated the New York Giants, 34-0; the Denver Broncos knocked off the AFC North-leading Baltimore Ravens, 34-17; the Houston Texans took down their division rivals, the Indianapolis Colts, 29-17; and the San Francisco 49ers traveled to New England and dispatched the Patriots by a score of 41-34.

On the move

The fainéant Miami Dolphins and New Orleans Saints both move up four spots (as if it matters). New England and the New York Giants both drop three spots.

It’s time to rank ‘em and spank ‘em!

Week 15 Power Rankings

Ranking
(Previous)
Team Record Comments
1
(2)
Denver Broncos 11-3 The Broncos have won nine in a row and show no signs of slowing down.
2
(3)
San Francisco 49ers 10-3-1 They've cast their lot with quarterback Colin Kaepernick, and so far it is paying off.
3
(4)
Atlanta Falcons 12-2 If they can sew up home-field advantage, they'll be a very tough out.
4
(1)
New England Patriots 10-4 The Patriots make the Super Bowl with the regularity a goose would envy.
5
(5)
Houston Texans 12-2 One week after an embarrassing loss, the Texans right the ship against a tough divisional foe.
6
(6)
Green Bay Packers 10-4 Forget about the fact that they own Chicago. This team is getting healthy and hungry at the right time.
7
(8)
Baltimore Ravens 9-5 Hmmm. It wasn't the offensive coordinator? Aha! Fire the ball boys!
8
(10)
Seattle Seahawks 9-5 They've beaten their last three opponents 131-34, and they finish with two games at home.
9
(7)
Indianapolis Colts 9-5 Beat Kansas City and you're in. Don't disappoint all those illegitimate children named Andrew.
10
(12)
Washington Redskins 8-6 They put up 38 points with a backup quarterback causing Jason Campbell to re-read the rule book.
11
(13)
Cincinnati Bengals 8-6 It took 15 weeks, but I can now spell Cincinnati without using spell check!
12
(9)
New York Giants 8-6 Sybil thinks you guys are crazy.
13
(11)
Chicago Bears 8-6 As a lifelong Bear fan, I had hoped to move them up in the rankings, but wide receiver Alshon Jeffery interfered with those plans.
14
(15)
Dallas Cowboys 8-6 Things that make you go, hmmmm?
There is no way for the Cowboys to clinch a playoff spot this weekend, but if they win their final two games, they will win their division.
15
(14)
Pittsburgh Steelers 7-7 You need to beat Cincinnati. Pretend the Bengals are a bunch of college girls in a bar, and they're all wearing "DTF" necklaces. You can do it!
16
(17)
Minnesota Vikings 8-6 Can you imagine how good Adrian Peterson would be if he weren't shackled?!
17
(16)
St. Louis Rams 6-7-1 "So you're saying there's a chance?!"

No, I'm not saying that at all.
18
(22)
Miami Dolphins 6-8 I crown you the "Best Team in Florida."
19
(23)
New Orleans Saints 6-8 I was told you weren't eliminated from the playoffs yet, but I fell asleep halfway through the explanation, so you're just going to have to take my word for it.
20
(18)
New York Jets 6-8 The Jets are officially eliminated from the playoffs, and there is absolutely no reason to talk about them. Upon hearing this, head coach Rex Ryan immediately benched Mark Sanchez and announced McElroy will be the new starter.
21
(19)
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 6-8 Who dat got their asses kicked by the Saints?
22
(20)
Buffalo Bills 5-9 I was crunching the numbers on what you paid quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick. I was hoping you could check my math.
Ryan's contract=Hahahahah!
23
(21)
Carolina Panthers 5-9 If there is a heartbreak story in the NFL this year, it's yours. I reward you the 23rd position in this week's rankings.
24
(21)
San Diego Chargers 5-9 There once was a boy named Rivers. His inconsistency made the fans quiver. Now his season is done, the fans are all stunned, and the booze is rotting their livers.
25
(26)
Tennessee Titans 5-9 So you beat up the Jets?
Bullies!
26
(24)
Cleveland Browns 5-9 You play at Denver and at Pittsburgh your last two games. I considered saving time and moving you down further, but I'm not sure that any of the teams behind you have a win in 'em.
27
(27)
Philadelphia Eagles 4-10 I still use spell check for Philadelphia. And I shower after I write your reviews.
28
(28)
Detroit Lions 4-10 Head coach Jim Schwartz admits the Lions are "off the rails." I would have kept quiet. I don't think they test for that yet.
29
(30)
Oakland Raiders 4-10 When I saw the score of your last game was 15-0, I had to look it up. When I saw you scored five field goals in a "lopsided" victory, I wanted to shoot myself.
30
(32)
Arizona Cardinals 5-9 After losing nine in a row, this must feel like waking up from a terrible nightmare.
31
(29)
Jacksonville Jaguars 2-12 I'm not sure why I ever moved you up, but the party's over.
32
(31)
Kansas City Chiefs 2-12 Your fans could have gone Christmas shopping!

About the author(s)

Ejected from a dry, desolate womb, Power Ranker John Jedlicka was thrust into this angry universe against his will, and better judgement. Armed with the knowledge of good, and the power of right, John has made it his sole mission to level fools with his arsenal of truth, and soften the blow of the harsh realities of this cruel world on the meek minded. Feel free to contact him at with praise, ridicule, or requests for clarification. Connect with

981 comments
MIBearFan
MIBearFan

Strong coffee! I want to slap a nun!

Kenny Fucking Powers, Bitch!
Kenny Fucking Powers, Bitch!

Holy sheet, there's another Matthews, and perhaps 2 more on the way!

 

After giving up on former #2 overall pick Jason Smith the Rams are once again in the market for an offensive tackle. Everyone talks about the Manning’s but the Matthews Clan might actually be the real first family of football. Jake Matthews of Texas A&M is the son of Bruce Matthews, who played 19 seasons with the Oilers / Titans and is in the Pro Football Hall of Fame. Jake’s older brother, Kevin Matthews, also played offensive line at Texas A&M and is currently with the Tennessee Titans while his younger brother, Mike Matthews, is a freshman teammate with the Aggies. Oh, Jake is also the nephew of 19-year NFL vet Clay Matthews, Jr. and the cousin of Green Bay Packers LB Clay Matthews III and Philadelphia Eagles LB Casey Matthews. Talk about pedigree and bloodlines! Jake Matthews gets overshadowed a bit by Luke Joeckel, who plays left tackle in College Station and just won the Outland Trophy. However, even though Matthews has been relegated to the right side in college most feel he is capable of protecting the blindside as well. Matthews isn’t as athletic as Joeckel but he is stronger, tougher, nastier, more physical and a better run blocker. With Rodger Saffold and Matthews holding down the edges the Rams will finally have a quality set of bookends capable of keeping injury-prone franchise quarterback Sam Bradford upright. Depending on what they do with their other first rounder St. Louis could also be in the market for an offensive guard,  outside linebacker  or a safety.

Preparation_A
Preparation_A

You know Kukulkan's wrath is upon us when there are 4 Jets' QB stories on the front page of NFL.com.

Pat Fenis, Esq.
Pat Fenis, Esq.

The Bucks have the lead despite Jennings and Ellis shooting 0-13

BearsSaveLives
BearsSaveLives moderator

  I was shocked that Angry Cat is so small. It's just a kitten, I think. Imagine how angry it'll be when it gets old.

LambeauOrWrigley
LambeauOrWrigley

  Who are these "mock draft" comedians?  Did you see they have a TE for Packers?  In the fucking first round?  Have these people heard of TT?  No one is respecting Brandon Bostick!  We already have a decent TE.

MIBearFan
MIBearFan

  

Fucking media whores!

 

Doctor ϟ Professor ☧
Doctor ϟ Professor ☧ moderator

   eh. Bikes to games. Busting caps in bitches.

 

 

whatever mood he is in at the time.

LambeauOrWrigley
LambeauOrWrigley

    I don't think that cat is angry.  He has a face that says he does too much botox.  Like his face is frozen.

Kenny Fucking Powers, Bitch!
Kenny Fucking Powers, Bitch!

  Doesn't sound like the Packers staff are sold on Ryan Matthews.  Quarless is always injured, and Finley is gonna break the bank.

Reesypieces Graduates in 14 days
Reesypieces Graduates in 14 days

  

LMFAO

I was just thinking about that. We can't use the net, book, ect. Just dictionary and if I get an A on this test, it will be obvious I "cheated" considering the fact I mostly got C's and shit. Gotta think smart 

 

0.-- 

aciddragon
aciddragon moderator

    they won't they were already talking about trading Jennings, 

MIBearFan
MIBearFan

      

That cat looks like it's been drugged, and is being held against it's will.

LambeauOrWrigley
LambeauOrWrigley

  TE is nowhere near the area of worry for me I guess.  This guy is really not a Gronk.  If they want us to pick someone out of ND, give us Matai'Teo!  Now, that will make my day.  Hawk is gone and that guy can be a SOLID replacement if not an upgrade.

 

Teo has 3 INTs, and a few blocked passes.  He can cover well in the Capers scheme.  The year I didn't think we had a chance in hell to get Raji we got him...who knows!  He has been projected to play solid 4-3 or 3-4 because of his athleticism.  And at 6'2, 255, he is a load!

 

 

Preparation_A
Preparation_A

    

 

Ryan Mathews? You mean DJ Williams?

aciddragon
aciddragon moderator

       Lions and ?

aciddragon
aciddragon moderator

   nope Brandon, the grossly overrated and inefficient point guard of the Bucks