WCSN Week 14 Power Rankings

By
Updated: December 12, 2012

If even Water Cooler Sports Power Ranker John Jedlicka can’t figure out this topsy-turvy league, what hope is there for Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler?

Proctologistics

It was another crazy week in the NFL. I don’t know about you, but this week left me scratching my head. Teams like Pittsburgh, Cincinnati, and Chicago had the opportunity to improve their chances for the post season. Instead, they came out flat and left the doors open for other teams to unseat them. Pittsburgh and Cincinnati lost winnable games at home.

Houston went to New England for a Monday night battle of the titans. They bought special “team jackets,” and players were calling it the biggest game in franchise history. They took the field hoping to write a memorable chapter in team history; instead, they got their asses kicked up and down the field for sixty minutes.

The Baltimore Ravens came into the week leading their division by two games. Both of their division challengers lost. Unable to take advantage of their good fortune, they will head into next week leading their division by two games. Oh, and they’ll have a new offensive coordinator. Do you remember where you were the last time a division-leading team fired their offensive coordinator three weeks before the playoffs? Me either. I don’t know if it’s ever been done. If it has been done, it was probably before the last time the Lions won in Wisconsin.

On a serious note, the past couple of weeks have brought tragedy to two teams in the NFL. The Kansas City Chiefs were stunned to hear of their teammate, , was involved in a murder/suicide. A week later, the Dallas Cowboys were rocked by the news of the death of a teammate who was involved in a drunk driving accident involving fellow teammate, .

It’s easy to follow our favorite teams and forget that these players are people just like you and I. They have lives and families off the field. My thoughts and prayers go out to the teams, the fan bases, and the families who have had to endure these recent tragedies.

You said it

JVince imparted these worrds of wisdom:

I think the Patriots, Texans, and Falcons are all teams that have been close to losing in many of the past weeks games, but have found a way to win. I think that none of them are unstoppable going into the playoffs. Surprises will happen.

Nicely done, Jr Mint. I don’t think we’ve seen the last of the surprises.

Maized and Confused added this:

“Do you guys remember that time the Bears were leading the division?”
.
.
.
That was funny

Thanks for the reminder. I’m laughing my ass off.

And finally, LambeauOrWrigley had these kind words about last week’s post:

This post should be in the National Library of Congress. It is a work of art! Twain, so-so, Hemmingway, has been, Faulkner, never was this good!

Aw, shucks. I hope I can rise on the wings of your most kind words, and continue requite the praise you so lavishly bequeath on my humble semblance.

Who’s Hot

Congratulations to the New York Giants, Green Bay Packers, San Francisco 49ers, and New England Patriots for continuing to win when the winning counts.

Honorable mention

Good job by the Seattle Seahawks for thoroughly dismantling the Arizona Cardinals and taking control of their playoff fate.

On the move

The New York Giants jump four spots, and (I just threw up a little)Philadelphia Eagles are up three. Trending down are the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, down four, and the Houston Texans, who dropped three spots.

It’s time to rank ‘em and spank ‘em!

Week 14 Power Rankings

Ranking
(Previous)
Team Record Comments
1
(1)
New England Patriots 10-3 Belichick is a bad azz!
2
(4)
Denver Broncos 10-3 Home field will make you very dangerous.
3
(5)
San Francisco 49ers 9-3-1 Don't blow it. This is your window. Your coach isn't stable enough to do this much longer.
4
(3)
Atlanta Falcons 11-2 Nice try Mathew.
5
(2)
Houston Texans 11-2 No offense, but if I were you, I'd put those coats in the closet for a couple of weeks.
6
(7)
Green Bay Packers 9-4 Win this week, and the division is yours. Lose, and you'll wake in cold sweats, with visions of Jay Cutler haunting your every waking moment until you play again.
No pressure.
7
(8)
Indianapolis Colts 9-4 It's like summiting Mt Everest and finding your mother-in-law. What the hell are you doing up here?!
8
(6)
Baltimore Ravens 9-4 Just so we're clear, you don't even have a wildcard spot yet.
9
(10)
New York Giants 8-5 You're up, you're down, you're up, you're down. You're like some cheap porn video. Make up your frickin' minds!
10
(12)
Seattle Seahawks 8-5 I suppose you're still claiming it was a catch.
11
(9)
Chicago Bears 8-5 If it weren't for border guards in Mexico and Canada, Adrian Peterson would still be running.
12
(13)
Washington Redskins 7-6 C'mon, quit winning. I've got Deadskins, Foreskins, and a whole slew of political jokes sitting in my cue.
13
(11)
Cincinnati Bengals 7-6 Romo played like a vengeful assassin!
Which one of you is sleeping with Romo's mom?
14
(14)
Pittsburgh Steelers 7-6 Here's the deal. Ben's back. This is where you're supposed to win.
15
(16)
Dallas Cowboys 7-6 Tell me the truth. You're just messing with Jerry Jones, right?
16
(17)
St Louis Rams 6-6-1 Ooh, scary! You beat the Bills.
17
(19)
Minnesota Vikings 7-6 Best magic act I've seen in a while. How do you do it without a quarterback?
18
(22)
New York Jets 6-7 Please, just go away!
19
(15)
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 6-7 Let me introduce you to your playoff chances:
Slim, meet none.
20
(18)
Buffalo Bills 5-8 What do you think? LA? LA's nice this time of year.
21
(23)
San Diego Chargers 5-8 I'm all for going "green", but maybe you shouldn't go full "Charger" until you figure out the technology.
22
(20)
Miami Dolphins 5-8 49ers have a message for you, "You can shove Disney World where the sun don't shine. California Rules!"
23
(21)
New Orleans Saints 5-8 Just kidding. Sorry if the suspensions hurt your season.
Sincerely, Rodger
24
(25)
Cleveland Browns 5-8 Sorry, Brandon. Too little, too late.
25
(26)
Carolina Panters 4-9 Thank you for beating the Falcons. Now I can call Matty Ice, Mathew.
26
(24)
Tennessee Titans 4-9 I don't know who your coach is. I don't know who your quarterback is. Wait...
Oh, Mike Munchak, and Jake Locker. Hmm.
27
(30)
Philidelphia Eagles 4-9 If the preseason was 18 weeks long, you'd be golden!
28
(27)
Detroit Lions 4-9 Cheer up, Christmas is on the way. Maybe you'll get a lump of crack in your stockings.
29
(28)
Jacksonville Jaguars 2-11 I want to drop your asses for keeping the Jets in the news, but I'm tired of kicking puppies.
30
(29)
Oakland Raiders 3-10 No matter how much you polish a turd..
Oh, never-mind.
31
(31)
Kansas City Chiefs 2-11 I see you decided to "ease" back into that "winning thing".
32
(32)
Arizona Cardinals 4-9 No longer satisfied with just loosing, the Cardinals have decided Ass Whoopings are the way to go!

About the author(s)

Ejected from a dry, desolate womb, Power Ranker John Jedlicka was thrust into this angry universe against his will, and better judgement. Armed with the knowledge of good, and the power of right, John has made it his sole mission to level fools with his arsenal of truth, and soften the blow of the harsh realities of this cruel world on the meek minded. Feel free to contact him at with praise, ridicule, or requests for clarification. Connect with

397 comments
SDL
SDL

Good night, Cub Scouts

 

 

SDL
SDL

Senior moment, my ass... 

 

13:36 to go in 3rd Qtr... Det up 14-10... 3rd & 6 for the Pack at their own 41 yd line.  Loins jump offsides, ARodge lobs a long one to Cobb who drops it.  

 

Didn't count against Cobb 'cuz even tho he dropped it, it was a 'free' play and the Packers took the penalty and got another shot

 

 

 

aciddragon
aciddragon moderator

“Earth Day was created because we were doing a lot of drugs, more drugs than you could ever f@*! imagine. And so we came up with Earth Day, so we'd have one day that would remind us what planet we were living on.”― Lewis Black

Communist Rockefeller
Communist Rockefeller

I know you guys were posting some Marshall and Webb quotes a little while ago; did anybody get this from Finley?

 

"Urlacher is at the end of his career right now; he's playing a little slow out there.  I don't think they're losing too much if he's out. Putting another guy in might help them a little."

SDL
SDL

Later, impersonators...

 

I gotta do some taxi service

 

Kuato Face
Kuato Face moderator

What's up?The rankings are different than they were earlier or I'm more intoxicated than i thought.

Houndog
Houndog

Bears' Cutler: 'I've got to play better'

Yes Jay, even Rex Grossman took the Bears to the Superbowl in his 4th (and first full) season!

Classic Nardo
Classic Nardo

Marshall says this game is "personal" as he feels the Packers secondary disrespected him.  As a fan I felt disrespected when the Bears shit the bed that game.  Something tells me I'll be disrespected again on Sunday.  

Big Cheese
Big Cheese

I'm heading out, but I wanted to pop in here to note that the Packers beat the Texans so they should be ranked ahead of them.

Thanks and bye.

adambballn
adambballn

No please... the playoffs in the NFL are FINE!  I can't stand how the NBA and NHL reward half their teams with playoff spots...

 

SDL
SDL

Same play that Suhspension roughed ARodge.  Collinsworth: "...Cobb just flat-out dropped that one."

SDL
SDL

  

 

Lewis Black is fucking hilarious.  Fact.  Period.

 

 

SDL
SDL

  

 

He's damn good, but that stat is wrong... he dropped a hail mary against the Loins

 

aciddragon
aciddragon moderator

  he's damn good, imo the second best guy on the offense 

aciddragon
aciddragon moderator

  well he's loud and annoying but when a guy's right he's right 

SDL
SDL

  

 

You misspellted "brains"

 

(as in:  "The Author of this Sports Pseudo-Journalistic Abortion Has No Fucking _______ ")

 

Houndog
Houndog

  Maybe it's the Muzzle Flash from last night's Mall shootings screwing with your eyes!

Houndog
Houndog

  I don't understand how he feels "Disrespected", they put their (generally considered) best CB at the time on him, with a safety over the top.  I'd call that respect!

Houndog
Houndog

 Me too, great wit.

Houndog
Houndog

  Are you using the Joedirte ranking method?

SDL
SDL

  

 

Dude... the So Dak season runs til Jan 6, 2013... let's murder some ringnecks!

 

adambballn
adambballn

Good point from this article...

 

tbd3

says:Dec 12, 2012 6:26 PM

The fact that the Jets even have a chance of being in the playoffs this season is evidence enough that they should not be expanded.

 

Houndog
Houndog

  They need to get someone else to make these announcements, it makes it just too easy to dislike Goodell!

Rourke
Rourke

  Get ready for the deluge of losing teams in the playoffs! As far as I am concerned, if you have a losing record, you should be disqualified from the playoffs. Period.

SDL
SDL

  

 

But, in the spirit of the High Holy Holiday:

 

Kuato Face
Kuato Face moderator

  I have never been to that Mall.

adambballn
adambballn

     His logic (not mine) is that these guys were claiming they beat him one on one... when in fact they beat him by doubling him up all game... it makes no sense to me.

adambballn
adambballn

   I bet this was all led by Jerry Jones and he's trying to get it implemented before the end of this season!  :)

SDL
SDL

  

 

Pretty sure it happened when the Loins jumped offsides and ARodge went deep.  They didn't count it, 'cuz Cobb dropped it and then the Pack took the penalty

 

SDL
SDL

  

 

I still have the game on the DVR... I may try to post it on YouTube... I need to learn how to do that, anyway

 

aciddragon
aciddragon moderator

   i'm betting SDL is having another "senior moment" and thinking back to the fist Packers/Lions game 

SDL
SDL

  

 

Jim "No Brains" Caple can go fuck himself

 

Kuato Face
Kuato Face moderator

  Yeah, probably so. 

Houndog
Houndog

  Oh wow, I wasn't really sure where it was, I just knew it was Oregon. Gotta be a lot of people freaked out!

Kuato Face
Kuato Face moderator

  Probably 10 miles away.

Houndog
Houndog

  Do you live nearby?

Houndog
Houndog

    It would be stupid to claim something everyone could see was not true, and I never heard those claims. But in my mind double teams are a sign of respect,  catching the ball, and not dropping sure TDs will gain you even more!

Classic Nardo
Classic Nardo

    Agriculture and tourism - that's basically it.  Gold mining shut down when Homestake closed down several years ago.

SDL
SDL

    

 

Wish that was true... their Game, Fish, and Feathers cops are fucking Nazis when it comes to pheasants

 

Tourism is one of their major industries (ranching, gold mining, and tourism... and that's about fucking it)

 

Houndog
Houndog

    Yeah, it would increase the number of games, wouldn't it.

Rourke
Rourke

  I wonder if they could contractually do such a thing. I would think it would have to be negotiated with the players union.